I graduated college in 1997. At that point, I weighed 160 (I’m 5’8″). 17 years later, I weigh 290ish. I haven’t shared this with anyone I know, but I had some blood work done a year or so ago, and my blood sugar was high. If I’m not a type 2 diabetic, I’m definitely getting there. Additionally, I just turned 39. So, I no longer have youth in my corner.
So, with all that going on, why do I fail at eating healthy and working out consistently? I’m not exactly sure, but I’m starting to think it’s a pretty dark answer: I’ve given up on myself.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suicidal or anything, but I spend most of my time alone, I’m single, I have no kids, and only one real friend to speak of. I have the feeling that my long string of failures at life have ended with me just letting myself waste away.
Deep down, there’s still something in me that wants to fight this fate. Unfortunately, it has to overpower a much stronger sense of self pity and loathing. We’ll see where this goes…